


A Change of Thought

by fangirlingovermishacollins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dying Castiel (Supernatural), Happy Ending, Hopeful Dean Winchester, Love Confessions, M/M, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25600324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingovermishacollins/pseuds/fangirlingovermishacollins
Summary: "How'd my thoughts do anything, huh?""You saved my life with your thoughts alone."
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	A Change of Thought

**Author's Note:**

> Before you start reading (thanks for reading, by the way, I appreciart you so much!) there are a few things I should mention:
> 
> a) This is my version of S12E12 where it's only Dean and Cas in the barn, because I can't help but imagine how different the "I love you" scene would have been!
> 
> b) I got part of the inspiration for this from a certain chapter in a manga I read! A character was talking about changing the future while dying (he could see into anyone's future, and up until this point, the futures he saw had always been unalterable) and I got so inspired after reading it!
> 
> I know this doesn't follow the episode, but like I said, this is a slightly different version. So sit back, relax, and enjoy!

"You listen to me," Cas urged Dean. He was finding it harder to move. Everything hurt. "Look. Thank you," he said, straining to get the words out. "Thank you. Knowing you, it..." Cas paused before speaking again. "It's been the best part of my life."

"After all we've been through," Dean said, kneeling down next to Cas on the floor. He was almost shielding Cas's body with his own. "You're giving up? Cas, what the hell?"

"This is it. There's no cure for this," Cas insisted, watching Dean's fingers trail helplessly over the black lines on his body. They didn't hurt, at least not too much. Cas shivered under Dean's touch. "Let me speak before I'm truly dead." 

Dean nodded wordlessly, pulling his hand back. He kept a firm but gentle grip on the angel's shoulder. "The things that... the things that we've shared together, they have changed me. You're my family." 

Cas sighed and looked up at Dean, meeting his eyes. The green eyes he found so hypnotizing were wide with fear and worry. "I love you." 

Dean's eyes widened impossibly further. He opened and closed his mouth, but nothing came out. "Shut up, Cas, okay? Tell me when you're not dying," he basically pleaded. "You gotta live, damn it! Hang in there, Cas."

The angel was already shaking his head. "I haven't finished," he said with an attempted laugh. Then he turned serious. "I always wished for you to be happy. Seeing you like this hurts more than you know." 

With some effort he lifted Dean's hand off of his shoulder. He let his fingers intertwine with the hunter's for half a second before pulling his own hand away. "Go. Save yourself. I'm going to die, but you still have a chance to live."

Dean scoffed. "I'm not leaving you alone. And you're not dying like this," he argued. He glared at the lance, which had been tossed across the floor. Dean could see Cas's blood on it. "You need to fight, Cas!"

"If you stay you'll meet the same fate as I am," the angel tried again, but it was no use. Dean had made his choice. "Don't make me watch you suffer as well."

Every one of Dean's thoughts said the same thing. _Please let Cas live, please_. He could tell Cas had heard his thoughts when he smiled sadly, not wanting to hurt Dean's feelings by telling him the reality of the situation.

"You can think it all you'd like, I highly doubt it will change anything," Cas said in a voice that matched his smile. 

"It's worth a shot, right?" Dean offered, desperately clinging onto the hope everything would be alright.

"You didn't get mad at me for listening to your thoughts," Cas pointed out. 

"There'll be time for that later," Dean promised, hoping he looked more confident and calm than he felt. "You gotta live," he said again. "Don't die on me," he begged. Yep, Dean definitely wasn't looking calm, he already knew.

"In the beginning, when we first met," Cas said, "I only saw you as Michael's vessel. We were strangers to one another, and yet you stuck by me. You truly believed in me when I rebelled against everything I had ever known. Dean, you became the most important thing in Heaven or on Earth to me." 

Dean's vision got blurry. He refused to let any tears fall. 

"You'll be alright. You'll move on from this, I can assure you of that. That has to remain true." He cupped one side of Dean's face. "Please?" Cas lifted his lips into a hopeful smile.

Cas's hand was being moved away from Dean's face when the hunter stood up. Immediately, Cas missed having him so close. He was a distraction from the pain and inevitable death that awaited the angel.

Silently, not wanting to interrupt whatever it was that Dean was doing, Cas watched the hunter walk over to the lance. "Son of a bitch," he said in a hushed voice. Then he said it louder, close to yelling. "Son of a bitch!"

Cas flinched when Dean picked up the lance. He gripped it tightly on either side and split it in two pieces, his anger fueling him. 

Dean turned back to the angel at the sound of the weapon breaking. "Sorry, damn it," he said, softer now. 

"I'm the one who's causing you so much trouble and pain," Cas said. "I'm still going to die, Dean."

"There has to be a way," Dean protested. He shook his head. "I'm thinking so freaking hard, because I'm not giving up on you." He slowly walked back to Cas. "You still feel like crap?"

"It's not as painful now," Cas admitted. "I can't describe it, but something's lessened the pain."

"That's good, right?" Dean knelt down again. He lifted Cas's head up and onto his legs. The angel didn't fight it, instead just letting Dean do what he was going to do.

"I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. I can hope that it's a good sign." Cas shrugged as best as he could in his position.

The two of them didn't move for a good minute or so. Neither of them even spoke. Cas didn't ask questions when Dean gazed down at him, gently stroking his hair. It was as if the whole experience had driven Dean to not hold back with the affection Cas had always known he had towards him. "I don't want to leave you like this," Cas said quietly.

"You won't, because I'm not leaving you, angel." 

"I won't ask you to leave, then." Cas leaned into Dean's touch where the hunter's hand was stroking his cheek.

Dean was the one to break the silence. "I'm taking you home, yeah? We'll do every freaking thing possible to save you."

He waited for Cas to move off of him and stood up, holding out a hand to help the angel stand up too. "You okay to walk?"

Cas nodded, but he found himself leaning on Dean for support as they walked. "You'll only be preventing the inevitable. I hope you realize that," he said, even though the thought of going back to the bunker was extremely comforting.

"I'm not losing you like this, and I don't care what you say." Dean carefully wrapped one arm around Cas's waist to keep him steady. 

"I didn't expect anything different," the angel said with a thin smile. "You always were so stubborn."

The lingering pain was just tolerable enough to get Cas to the Impala, which was waiting outside. Still, every step required more effort than the last one. The sight of the car was more than enough to bring tears to Cas's eyes. It was a sweet kind of relief. "Almost there," Dean said soothingly.

He opened the back door and Cas willingly got in, stretching out a bit in order to find the position that would be the most comfortable. He finally settled for laying on his back across the whole backseat. "I'll try to go easy on you," Dean promised. His eyes met Cas's in the mirror.

"I trust you. Although I highly doubt you'll need to worry too much." 

Rather than answering, Dean began driving. He didn't stop anywhere. He checked on Cas every minute, taking note of every motion and facial expression he saw. "You okay?" he asked when his eyes flicked to the hand Cas now had pressed to his wound.

"It's more bearable now. I have no idea why it appears to be getting better." Cas pulled the hand back slightly. 

"Keep telling me that," Dean said while tightening his grip on the steering wheel.

He stopped driving entirely when he saw Cas was passed out. Ignoring other drivers' yelling, he abruptly pulled into an empty parking lot. He only had to wait a few seconds before he joined Cas in the backseat, but those seconds felt like an eternity. 

The first thing he noticed was that the angel was breathing, but just barely. He wasn't dead. He could still get better. "He's alive," Dean muttered. "Don't scare me like that, damn it," he said to Cas's body.

The rest of the drive was slightly faster, or maybe it just felt like it because Dean was paying as much attention to his driving as was necessary. His thoughts were racing a mile a minute. "He's alive" became the hunter's mantra, replaying in his head over and over.

Finally at the bunker, Dean got Cas into an empty bedroom with Sam's help. Almost immediately after, he kicked Sam out. "You're home, Cas, and I won't let you die, you son of a bitch," he assured the angel. Then he went back to his own room, even though every part of him was hesitant to leave Cas alone. He felt like he'd miss something important any minute now. 

So he didn't leave Cas. He came right back after taking a pillow and blanket from his room and set the things on the floor. "I'm not leaving you, angel."

That was the last thing he said before falling asleep. The floor was uncomfortable as all hell, but Dean wouldn't have changed a thing. 

The next morning, the bed was empty. The sheets were pulled back, indicating Cas had gotten out of the bed. His trench coat and dark blue suit jacket were tossed to the side. "Cas?" Dean asked, hoping the angel was nearby.

He sat up and instantly paid the price for sleeping on the floor. He was sore all over. "Next time, I'm taking the bed," he muttered. 

"You're awake," he heard Cas's voice say. He sounded like he had just come out of the bathroom across the hall and was standing in the doorway. Dean felt his heart beat faster with every step Cas took towards him.

"You're not dead," was all Dean could think to say. 

"No, Dean, I'm not." Cas nodded. "You didn't leave me, did you?" the angel asked, joining him on the floor.

"Never. I couldn't, Cas, not when you were damn near asking to die," he said. "You freaking passed out in the car, I thought I'd lost your ass already and I was too late."

"I have you to thank for me being here still," Cas said, smiling gratefully. "I also owe you an apology. I had doubts about your capability to save me, and I couldn't possibly clear my head of them. I was entirely convinced my fate was set in stone."

"What the hell did I even do?" Dean asked, trying not to get his hopes up and failing. 

"You allowed no room for negative thoughts or doubts. You were so hopeful that you would keep me alive and help me to get better." Cas looked down at himself and laughed. "I discounted it as wishful thinking, yet I believe it was exactly that that saved me."

"You've lost me," Dean said, but he knew he was smiling. "How'd my thoughts do anything, huh?"

"I never thought about it too much, but there's a certain kind of energy that comes with thoughts and wishes. Most people would have given up on me as soon as they saw I was dying." 

Dean nodded. "Too damn many," he agreed. "But my energy, or whatever the hell you just said-"

"Yes. It was all centered around me, and your desire to change it made it stronger." Cas smiled at Dean, looking so happy with the hunter. "I wasn't sure it could be done, yet you did it. You saved my life with your thoughts alone."

"That's the best damn news I've heard all day," Dean said, giving in to his desire to hug Cas close. He buried his face in Cas's neck, wanting nothing more than to feel the angel's body close to his and so full of life. Cas was shocked for a second by the action but didn't hesitate to return the hug. "Can I see-?" Dean asked, pulling away just enough to look down at where the wound had been.

"Of course." Cas must have sensed Dean's hesitation as he reached for his white shirt stained with dried blood, because he guided Dean's hand with his own. "It's alright, Dean, I promise."

Dean drew in a sharp breath and lifted the shirt away from Cas's skin. There were still some signs that Cas had been stabbed with the lance, but the thick black lines were gone and there was no bleeding.

"It doesn't hurt?" Dean asked, glancing up at Cas's face. Cas shook his head. That was enough to give the hunter the go-ahead to gently touch his bare skin. 

"Well, shit, we really did it," Dean said, looking as if he'd just witnessed a miracle. 

Cas suddenly reached for Dean's hand, holding it in his own like he had when he was dying. He lifted Dean's face to look at him-- really look at him-- and Dean didn't stop him or ask what was happening. 

The hunter saw worlds of emotion in Cas's eyes when he looked into them. "You said to tell you I loved you when I wasn't facing death. Here I am, and I love you."

Dean's breath caught. "Say it again?" he asked.

Cas was more than happy to comply. "I love you. I am in love with you, Dean Winchester."

Dean let go of Cas's hand and wrapped his arm around him, crushing their bodies together. "Good," he said into Cas's shoulder. "I love you too, Cas, so damn much."

"I've wanted to hear that for so long." Dean felt the angel smiling against his ear. "Thank you very much."

"Shut up and kiss me already." 

And that's exactly what Cas did.


End file.
